Rewriting My Rules: What’s This Freedom?

What was, isn’t always what is. It doesn’t matter that I have felt invincible, that everything was on the right track, or that my passions were concrete. Sometimes things just change. Sometimes that feels like a gradual, harmonious transition. Other times it’s a 9.9 on the Richter Scale and the abrupt shake up leaves you unrecognizable to yourself.

The past year has been all of that wrapped up with one pretty little bow and a tag that reads, “Unknown.”

Mid-life likes to play fun games like that, it seems. Times like this, I’m a million times grateful for the time and effort I’ve put into personal growth and development because I’m not quite sure I’d be surviving otherwise. It’s been, A LOT. And introvert me has kept so much of it to myself which makes more than just my midsection feel like it’s busting at the seams.

What I have realized is that many of the old rules I put on myself no longer apply. A lot of winter reflection helped me realize that in this season of life, I’m not that same as I was before menopause, I can’t do the same things, I don’t feel the same way, I look at things differently, and my desires have changed too.

I thought I had a good instruction manual going but it turns out that life shifts, without permission, mind you, and sometimes you have to chuck that thing out the window and start over.

Let’s be real, this is a messy season. We’re figuring it out, but there has been a lot of WTF on the daily. Letting go of expectations is really hard and heavy. But also necessary. It’s ok to feel the energy shift, have a different perspective, to learn and grow and want to move through life differently than we once thought.

I’ve been an “I need rules and I need structure” kind of person. Knowing that when I needed a change, these things helped me, non negotiable habits and routines. I had a very “all or nothing” mentality. It worked. Until it didn’t. Perfectionism became a hinderance. Maybe you knew me as the lady who wakes up crazy early every single day, works out, and eats a weird nutrition plan that seemed impossible. It worked for me, and plenty of others that I’ve coached, but it doesn’t work for me now. It causes stress, anxiety, and guilt, which is all so counterproductive.

I’ve had to learn to be ok with letting go of an aesthetic because it doesn’t always feel good to live so rigid. I’ve prioritized my sleep because THAT is the secret sauce to feeling GOOD. The kids are growing so fast and I want to spend more focused time and less hustle time. I’ve realized that while I’m fully capable of doing and managing and juggling all. of. the. things., I just don’t want to anymore. I’ve seen a society that thinks we need to brag about our busy and at the same time we wonder where time has gone.

I’m slowing things down. And it’s ok for you too. When we slow down, spend some time in reflection, we view things differently. We wish differently. We prioritize differently. There is so much freedom in letting go of what holds us back. And sometimes we don’t know it’s holding us back until we give letting go a try.

I still don’t have the answers or all the new rules in place, but it’s something I’m working on daily. And sometimes, week to week, they get scratched and reworked. And I’m being ok with that. This is uncharted territory. Nobody gave me a mid-life, menopause, middle nesting handbook. Is there one?! It sometimes feels scary but also so freeing. Letting go of thinking about what other people might be thinking and focusing more on what I want to be feeling. We can grow through this, always.

XOXO, Heidi